


only seeing myself (when i look at you)

by forbiddenquill



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Modern AU - College Setting, She's the Man AU, slight Lames, slight karamel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-01-31 21:25:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18599719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: Clark Danvers is everything that Kara wants to be -- handsome, smart and good at everything that he does. So when the opportunity comes for her to take over Clark's life at the NCU, the same school she was rejected from two years ago, she doesn't think twice about it.Lena Luthor's college life composes mainly of two things: studying and avoiding boys. It's kind of hard to do, especially with Lilian breathing down her neck, James Olsen asking her out on dates and Clark Danvers showing up out of nowhere and reminding her of a girl she's still hung up on years ago...(or alternatively: the She's The Man AU everybody sort of asked for.)





	1. The Boy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Foolish Wit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12815001) by [seabiscuit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seabiscuit/pseuds/seabiscuit). 



> Title from Troye Sivan's song (ft. Alex Hope) called 'BLUE.' It's a good song.
> 
> Shit. I wrote this in like two days. I have my final thesis defense next week and I'm freaking out about my fanfic. JFC. Well, let's just hope that you guys enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed setting up the premise of it. 
> 
> Here are a few things to take note of: I used the name Clark Danvers instead of Clark Kent, because come on, Lena calling Kara by her last name is something that I didn't realize I needed until now. Also, because Clark is canonically younger than Kara, I made him 15 years old and a child prodigy. He and Kara are six years apart when it comes to their age. 
> 
> I would also like to point out that I'm from the Philippines so I have no idea how the American Educational System works. Bear with me. Also, for some reason, whenever kids in movies need to enroll immediately in college or high school, it always happens in a flash?? Like, don't you have papework?? Idk, I always found it very funny. Esp when I rewatched the trailer for She's The Man lmao.
> 
> Anyway, enough rambling. Enjoy!

Chapter 1: _Kara and Winn devise a plan to get to National City University, Kara’s dream school,_ _through the unfortunate help of Clark Danvers._

...

“Wait, _what_?” Kara asks, just in case she misheard the first time, but the dashing smile that Clark sends her is anything but uncertain; “You’re _not_ going to National City University?” She can’t keep the shock out of her voice, because for one, it’s _National City University,_ one of the most prestigious schools in the entire state and second, it’s _Clark Danvers,_ her charming prodigy of a cousin who, at the tender age of fifteen, has already been accepted into countless universities for his choosing.

“You heard me,” Clark says, raising an eyebrow as he drinks from his Cappuccino, “I’m not going.”

“But.” Kara’s mind whirs. NCU offers one of the best Journalism courses in the country, a fact that she took to heart when she first found out Clark actually sent an application to the school, the same school she was rejected from two years ago. “ _Why_?”

Clark shrugs. “I just don’t want to go to college,” he mutters, adjusting his thick-framed glasses, “I think it’s a waste of time.”

“But it’s _National City University,_ ” Kara gushes once more, hearing the whine in her own voice.

“I know that it’s your dream school, cuz,” Clark tells her as he cracks a smile, “and if I could, I’d give you my spot but everything’s already sort of stamped there.”

Kara can’t believe this. “What happened?”

It takes him a long time to answer. The cafe that they’re in is situated in a little corner of Main Street and they’re both seated outside, watching as cars and people pass by, oblivious to the tiny little explosions that are going through Kara’s brain. She’s always been a little envious of her cousin because everything that he did, he always did perfectly. Including college applications. So the idea of him not even attending the dream school Kara has always wanted to go to -- well, it kind of confounds her.

“I don’t want to go to college,” Clark repeats, his blue eyes shining behind his glasses, “because I want to live on a farm.”

That’s not the kind of answer Kara expected and it must show on her face because Clark laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not kidding,” he adds, “Life on a farm is quiet and peaceful. I don’t have to think about constantly being the best for everybody else.”

“Clark,” Kara begins, unsure of what to say next, “You don’t --”

“Please,” Clarke says, giving her a look, “I want this. Don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

Rarely has Clark ever expressed any interest in anything that involves his own wants. He has always done everything for his family and for school, joining competitions left and right and participating in each and every conference from the other school districts. He’s the child prodigy, the Golden Boy, everything Kara isn’t. And yet—he’s willing to throw it all away. Just to live on a farm.

“Okay, fine,” Kara mutters, shakes her head, “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I always do.” He preens at that and Kara rolls her eyes because _of_ _course_ , Clark Danvers always knows everything. He reaches out to take a chocolate chip cookie that Kara bought for him when they got to the cafe and accidentally spills his Cappuccino all over the table when he hits the cup with his fist. He swears, Kara jumps and the drink drips down onto the floor like sad little raindrops. Thank God her skirt isn’t ruined. She still has to get to work after this.

Clark sheepishly looks at her. “Most of the time,” he clarifies, gesturing to his ruined shirt, “I know what I’m doing _most_ of the time.”

“Whatever, smartass.” They ask a waiter to clean up after Clark’s little accident and after that’s done, Kara resumes her place. “Anyway, is that the only reason you asked me here? To tell me that you’re throwing a perfectly good opportunity to get a college education?”

Her cousin shrugs. “I wanted to catch up with you too,” he tells her earnestly, “You are, after all, my favorite cousin.”

“Huh. Last I checked, you told Alex the same thing two weeks ago.”

When Clark smiles, Kara always notices the dimples that pop out of his chin. He’s young and dashing with dark tousled hair, bright blue eyes and a smile so charming that he could practically ask Kara’s boss Cat Grant for anything he wanted and she’d only insult him once. Of course, it’s a little bit weird being jealous of your cousin who’s a few years younger than you but Kara always feels bad at the ugly feeling in her heart every time Clark gets what he wants through hard work and determination and doesn’t boast about it.

“So,” he starts again, “How are things?”

Kara takes a second to answer. Things are… stagnant. Ever since she dropped out of college last year and started working at Catco for none other than Cat Grant, she’s been in a spiral that’s neither going up or down. She’s been serving coffees, checking schedules, taking out the laundry and anything that involves being Cat Grant’s slave.

“I’m good,” Kara answers, trying for a grin that hopefully would’ve fooled even her own mother, “I’ve got the skills to pay the bills, baby.”

Her cousin snorts, totally ignore her comment. “How’s Alex?”

“She’s doing good too.”

Clark nods. He takes a sip of her coffee, too much sugar added, and makes a disgusted face. “I know that you’re not entirely in a good place right now,” he mumbles after a beat, “especially after college just fell out of the loop. I just -- I wanted to see if you were okay.”

A rush of warmth fills her bones and Kara smiles. “Oh, little cousin,” she says, wanting nothing more than to embrace him but that might mean standing up and possibly spilling her own coffee, knowing how much of a klutz she is just like Clark. She settles for reaching out and taking his hands in hers. “Not all of us have life figured out just like you,” she tells him, “Not all of us are child prodigies.”

“Hey.” Clark’s eyebrows furrow. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know,” Kara whispers, “You’re right that I’m not really in a good place in my career right now and being Cat Grant’s coffee girl isn’t exactly a good way to start my resume, but I’ll be back to studying again. These things just take time, I suppose. In the meantime, I can work on other things.”

Her cousin hums, apparently satisfied before he adjusts his glasses once more and smirks. “So, does that mean you can finally have a love life?” he asks snidely.

The blush that springs up on Kara’s cheeks shouldn’t be noticeable but Clark’s eyes are like laser beams, so of course, he notices. Grinning maniacally, he reaches into his bag, possibly to grab his phone and make her see a picture of a new person he thinks she should go on a date with, but Kara stops him with a glare.

“Hey,” she tells her cousin fiercely, “The last time you set me up with a date, I had to escape through a bathroom window.”

“Not my fault the guy had weird mommy issues,” Clark defensively states, “but hey, what about that other guy I hooked you up with? Adam Foster? He was a catch, right?”

Kara throws him another glare. _The little shit._

“Also had weird, unresolved mommy issues,” she grumbles, taking a sip of her coffee and pursing her lips, “What is up with you and setting me up on dates?”

Her cousin shrugs. “The beauty of being a romantic,” he says cheekily, “I’d like to think that there’s a guy out there for you who would sweep you off your feet and treat you right.”

It’s been like this ever since Kara’s application to NCU was rejected and she dropped out of her community college — Clark’s sudden need to set her up on dates and catch up with her over coffee every few weeks makes her think that Clark feels bad for being who he is and letting it affect her self-confidence: a child prodigy who takes up the room every single time he enters and who outshines both of his cousins at everything they do, including Alex’s love for karate and Kara’s way with words. They both know that Alex doesn’t mind, but in some little way, Kara does.

She’s told him before that he shouldn’t have to adjust to anybody else, but telling her that he isn’t planning on attending her dream school must’ve made him feel guiltier. Hence, the setting up.

“Or girl,” Kara flippantly says.

Clark doesn’t bat an eyelid. “Or girl. I’ll add that to my list.”

Kara shakes her head, smiling still. “It’s okay, Clark,” she says, finishing the rest of her coffee, “I’m good in the romance department. I’m not really looking for anybody to date.”

“But -- “ Clark frowns. “ -- I found a really good-looking guy to set you up with -- ”

“First of all, my fifteen-year-old cousin setting up dates for me is very wrong,” Kara interrupts him, letting out a breath of laughter to let him know that she’s only half kidding, “and second of all, I _told_ you: no dates for me. I’m a single lady and I will enjoy my freedom wisely.”

“When’s the last time you actually liked somebody?” Clark all but whines, looking offended at Kara not accepting his setups.

Kara shrugs. The last time she _actually_ liked somebody… The first person that pops up in her brain is Adam. He’d been very nice and understanding, but he kept talking about his mother a lot, and it was much later when Kara found out he’d been abandoned as a child. That revelation… explained a lot of things.

“Hey.” Clark leans forward, grinning brightly. “Remember that girl five years ago? The one you met at summer camp?”

An image of a brunette with green eyes pops up in Kara’s mind. She feels a smile pulling at her lips, albeit unexpectedly. “Lena,” she recalls, realizing just how long it’s been since she’s last thought of her, “What about her?”

“I think she liked you.”

Kara hums, not believing it for even a second. “Maybe it’s _you_ who liked her,” she says deviously, “since you only met her once. Did she leave a very good impression on your ten-year-old genius brain?”

The look on Clark’s face rivals Alex’s Big Sister glare. “Please,” he says mockingly, “I remember the way she looked at you when you left the camp that summer. It was like watching Romeo and Juliet onscreen or something when they parted at the balcony. It was very… _romantic_.”

Kara shakes her head, remembering Lena Luthor; her commanding presence back at camp as one of the counselors, how she liked her coffee black and strong every single morning, how she looked at Kara the first night they met and Kara had snuck out of her room to enjoy a night of skinny dipping with Lucy Lane. They became fast friends after that, even though it was clear from the get-go that Lena was anything that Kara expected.

“Romantic my ass,” she mutters, smiling to herself, “Lena didn’t like me. She tolerated me that entire summer. I kept getting into trouble and she was always there to bail me out of it.”

“She was whipped,” Clark says obviously.

“And you’re delusional,” Kara shoots in return.

Clark looks like he’s about to argue for a second there before he shuts his eyes and sighs, laughing to himself. A contemplative silence passes through them, making Kara remember the reason for their hangout today. She thinks about the idea of Clark not going to college, even though his intelligence and experience in high school would point him towards that direction. She thinks of the chance to study at the NCU, the pain of the rejection letter she received two years ago and the shame she felt when she dropped out of college last year. She thinks about how nice it would be to have Clark Danvers’ life.

_To have Clark’s perfect life._

She groans, rubbing her eyes. The envy she feels grips her heart tightly but she’s not going to tell Clark that she wants his life, especially since it’s clear that he doesn’t like every aspect of it. That’d be insensitive and inconsiderate and as Kara bites into the last chocolate cookie, she thinks that it’d still be very much true.

“I should get going,” she says, sighing as she collects her belongings, “I’d rather not have Cat Grant insulting me the second I get back to the office.”

Clark nods and also moves to stand up. His shirt is still stained with the drink earlier but his mood hasn’t dampened. “I should go too,” he says amiably, shrugging, “It was nice to see you again, cuz. I really enjoyed our time together, however little.” He reaches out and pulls Kara in for a hug, nuzzling his cheek against her hair. Even though he’s younger, puberty hit him early and he’s a few inches taller than she is.“I know that it’s stupid for me to apologize over this, but I know that the NCU means a lot to you and I’m sorry for throwing that away…”

Kara lets out a soft laugh. “Don’t be,” she murmurs, “Don’t you ever apologize for being good at what you do.”

Clark nods. “Noted. I’ll see you around, okay?”

“When will you leave for this farm that you so dearly love?”

“Soon. I still have things to wrap up here.” He pulls away, gives her another one of his warm smiles. “Say hi to Alex for me. And if you ever need a date or anything, I always have somebody set up for you.”

“Clark, as much as I love you, _please don’t_.”

He grins and doesn’t promise her anything. They both head off to their separate ways, Clark saying something about getting his credentials from his old high school and Kara rushing to get back to her office. It’s still on her mind, though, even as she gets an earful from her boss when she returns, that she’d still give anything to have the perfect like Clark Danvers might not think that he has.

…

“Oh, hey,” Kara mutters, letting out a huge sigh when she gets home, “I just got fired.”

Alex looks up from her phone, her eyes widening in shock. “ _What_?” she gushes, already getting into Big Protective Sister mode, “Cat Grant fired you? Seriously? For what?”

It’s been a long day. After meeting up with Clark and getting back to work, Kara hasn’t been in the best of spirits. Knowing that her whole life all she’s ever wanted is to be a journalist and now, at the age of 21, all she has going for her career is a job at a Media company, not even as a journalist but an assistant. _An assistant!_ Now, she doesn’t even have that anymore.

“Technically,” Kara tells her sister seriously, as she drops on the couch next to her, “I quit first before I was fired.”

Alex looks aghast. “Oh, what on earth did you do?”

Kara sighs as she thinks about it, rubbing her eyes from behind her glasses. Thinking about her day is starting to give her a headache. “Okay,” she begins, “I might’ve accidentally spilled coffee all over my boss’ very important papers that she needed to get signed that day and even though she scathingly gave me a scolding for it, I also might’ve knocked over a really rare plant she got from Japan and destroyed it on the office floor. Safe to say, I quit before the words ‘ _you’re fired_ ’ were even formed in that brain of hers.”

When she’s finished, she’s expecting Alex to also give her a verbal beatdown. Instead, what she gets in return is a very sad pitying look. One that Alex only gets whenever their parents mention Clark at the dinner table or when Clark’s face shows up on the TV after having won whatever it is that he’s winning or when Clark is just in the same room…

“You know that Clark met up with me,” Kara says, realizing it.

“Well, he’s the one who asked me when your lunch break was.” Alex doesn’t deny it. She puts down her phone and tugs Kara into a very warm Big Sister hug. “I know how you feel every time you talk to him.”

“I feel happy,” Kara grumbles, even though her heart twitches at the lie.

“And I’m Captain America,” Alex deadpans, “Come on. Spill it. What did our dear cousin tell you this time?”

Kara thinks about lying but realizes that it’s useless. Alex knows all of her little tells, from the nervous way she bites her lip to the nervous wring of her hands. It’s practically written all over her face. Besides, Alex knows the conflicted emotions she feels for Clark, has known about it since they were children. It’s so strange, being a kid and getting jealous that Clark was able to talk at only four months.

“He’s not going to college,” Kara mutters, trying not to sound bitter about it, “even though he got a scholarship to study at NCU.”

“Your dream school,” Alex says in return, understanding immediately. She sighs, tucks an errant strand of hair behind Kara’s ear. “It’s okay to feel… I don’t know, cheated, I guess? But don’t put it on him. He has his reasons.”

Kara thinks about the look on Clark’s face.   _I don’t have to think about constantly being the best for everybody else,_ he said. When she remembers it, a weight settles in her stomach. She understands the pressure on Clark’s shoulder but still feels that nagging stupid jealous feeling at the back of her throat. Even though there’s pressure on all sides, she still wants his life.

“I’m not blaming him or anything,” Kara huffs, crossing her arms like a stubborn child, “I just think it’s a waste. He’s already got a spot on the program.” Because of course, of all the things that Clark is good at -- debate, math, science and everything in between -- he just had to have the same passion in Journalism as Kara did, the same sense of idealism when it came to the truth. _Of course._ Just Kara’s luck.

“It is a waste,” Alex agrees with her, “but there’s nothing you can do about it. Unless you, what, somehow take Clark’s place at NCU. Oh! Maybe you should go back to community college, Kara. They’ve got good rep there.”

Kara is listening until she isn’t. Because all she can hear in her ears are Alex’s words: _unless you somehow take Clark’s place at NCU._ She thinks back to what Clark told her earlier: _and if I could, I’d give you my spot but everything’s already sort of stamped there._ There’s a stupid plan forming in her head. She can’t see all the finer details yet but an image is there. It’s an irrevocably stupid idea but it has rooted its place in her brain and now she can’t let it go. Because, if she can pull it off, it might really work.

“Kara?” Alex snaps her fingers in front of her sister’s face. “Earth to Kara.”

“Er — yes?”

“I was saying,” Alex tells her sternly, “I know this coffee shop that has a job opening. You could, you know, work there for a while.”

Kara thinks about it. Right. She just quit her job. There’s no steady paycheck keeping her afloat now, only her sister’s unwavering support and her position at some big shot company paying for their apartment. She needs a job. Her very stupid idea can wait later, she decides, as she pulls her phone out to order some pizza for dinner.  

“I’ll go there tomorrow,” she tells Alex, letting out a breathy sigh, “If the coffee’s good, I’ll consider it. But only to steal their recipe.”

Alex nods her approval before she mutters something about getting some paperwork done. Her sister works as a police officer and often takes her job back at their apartment. Unlike Kara, she neither stood out nor failed at the Academy, which she might be doing on purpose, as to not derail Kara’s self-confidence even more.

Or maybe Kara’s just overthinking it.

After Alex retreats to her room with a peck on her sister’s forehead and a very reassuring pat on her back, Kara is left alone with her thoughts again.

She’s always envied Clark for everything he did as a kid. He was almost always the youngest person to win an award or bag a prize at every competition he signed up for. When she was still a child, Kara often found herself watching his face on TV as he solved some near-impossible Math question live or deliver such a well-versed speech that even the adjudicator was left speechless. As he got older, he joined lesser stuff and rarely showed up on  TV anymore. Only a few people remembered that he’s still the Child Prodigy. When Kara asked her mom why she told her that it was because Clark was taking things slow and often joining his parents to work at some farm they cultivated.

She bites her lower lip and opens her phone to find a picture of her cousin. The most recent one was taken on Alex’s birthday when Clark showed up bright and early at their apartment to deliver a present. Kara snapped a selfie of all three of them smiling brightly at the camera. She stares at her own face and then Clark’s, noting the similarities.

Thankfully, Kara and Clark look the most similar. Kara takes after her mother, while Clark looks like his dad. Since the two of them are sibilings, she and Clark share the most similarities. Same bone structure, same bright blue eyes, same easygoing smile. The only difference is Clark’s dark hair, which can easily be fixed with a wig of some sort and —

Is she seriously thinking this through?

 _Take Clark’s place at NCU,_ she hears Alex again. Her head is spinning. She takes off her glasses and rubs at her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. She needs food. Her stomach is rumbling. Maybe some sleep too. It’s been a long day, after all. A really long day.

Her phone _pings_ all of a sudden. She looks down to find that its a text from none other than her cousin.

 **8:05 PM** \- Cousin Clarky

_Hey. If it’s any consolation, I know you would’ve been the better journalist than me_

It’s not any consolation, actually, because Kara just ends up feeling worse. Great. Just _great_. This stupid idea of hers is probably going to eat her up all night until she either forgot about it or did it. She doesn’t reply to Clark’s text and wraps her arms around a throw pillow on the couch. She perches her chin on top of her fist and tries to will her mind to stop thinking. Except that it can’t. Because of what Alex said. _Take Clarke’s place at NCU._

If she didn’t know how to do it, the idea would’ve easily slipped away. But because she already has some sort of semblance to a plan, it's harder to let it go. _Just cut off my hair, dress the way Clark would pretend to be a guy_ … her thoughts keep whispering to her and she tries to shut it off, because taking over Clark’s life when he’s away living on the farm… it feels like a betrayal at its finest. But it’s NCU. Her dream school. Everything she’s ever wanted out of a career…

Before she realizes what she’s doing, she sends her best friend, Winn Schott, a text:

 **8:10 PM** \- Kara Danvers

_SOS._

It’s barely a minute later before she gets a response.

 **8:10 PM** \- Winny the Pooh

_Where and when?_

Kara thinks about a good place to meet up, before ultimately deciding that maybe she needs to think this through carefully. Maybe it’s just the heat of the moment. Or her stomach grumbling to remind her that she’s not really good at thinking on an empty stomach. Her thumb hovering over the screen of her computer, Kara lets out a sigh and types out a response:

 **8:12 PM** \- Kara Danvers

_Nvm. We’ll meet up tomorrow at Noonan’s. Is brunch okay?_

When she gets the much-needed confirmation from Winn, she puts down her phone and lies back on the couch, wanting nothing more than to have some pizza slices in her stomach. She closes her eyes and breathes through her nose. It’s been a long, tiring day. She just quit her job. But the only thing that she can do now is run her fingers through her long, blonde hair and wonder how riveting it would feel to cut it off.

…

“You want me to do _what_?” Winn, aghast, nearly shouts. He’s only just sat down and after Kara looked him in the eye and told him that she wanted him to hack NCU’s system, he looks ready to get back up again and walk out of the restaurant.

Kara shushes him, giving apologetic glances at all the other patrons in the restaurant, before shooting her best friend a look that would’ve rivaled Alex’s Big Sister Glare. “Okay, you might need some context here,” she begins to explain, adjusting her glasses, “and I will give it to you. Just -- don’t freak out too much, okay? I need you to be on my side.”

A waiter comes by to take their orders and Kara quickly recites their usual, needing to get to the whole point of their brunch meeting. Because Winn’s already looking like he’s one second away from getting up and leaving.

Her stupid idea hadn’t left her mind when she woke up that morning. In fact, it was all she could think about when she went on her daily jog, made her sugar-induced coffee, showered and headed to Noonan’s. It’s all she can think about _now_ , facing Winn’s deeply confused expression, and somehow, deep inside her stupid, envious heart, she knows that she’s going to regret this if she doesn’t at least _try_.

“What have you been sniffing at Catco?” Winn asks her, the crease on his eyebrow fading.

“Well, that’s a question you don’t have to bother yourself with,” Kara mutters, “I just quit yesterday.”

Winn looks like he’s about to faint again, so Kara quickly reaches over and grabs his hands, proceeding to tell him the entire story of what happened the past 24 hours. He listens and with each progression of the plot, the crease between his eyebrow returns gradually. Ever since they became quick friends in high school, Winn has nearly known everything there is to know about Kara Danvers. Including her feeling that Clark is better at her in everything that he does, which he always tries to cease with words of encouragement and support. Unlike Kara, Winn actually got into NCU and studies IT there. He’s already in his fourth year of college.

“So,” Winn starts after she’s finished retelling everything, “You want me, a graduating student in NCU, to hack into the school’s mainframe system, replace Clark Danvers’ picture with yours so that you can pretend to be him and actually enroll in this campus?”

When he phrases it like that, Kara’s confidence wavers. “Er -- yes,” she mutters, her cheeks turning red.

Winn gives her a look. “You better not be asking me to do your makeover too,” he grumbles before he lets out a sigh that seems to take years out of his whole life.

Kara squeaks and Winn gives her another severe look, almost like saying, _seriously_?

“You have a good male fashion sense,” Kara points out.

“So you’re asking me to do your makeover too?”

“Yes, Winn.”

Winn rubs his neck and sighs. “Fucking hell, Kara,” he murmurs, “Did you think about the long run? Why not just let me hack into the system and put you in it instead?”

“Because.” Kara nearly falters at how stupid her idea sounds now, feeling the heat rush to her cheeks. “I’m not saying that I want to be a guy or anything,” she stresses her point out, “or that I have a thing for cross-dressing. It’s nothing like _that_. I don’t feel like I’m trans, because I have so much support for those people who break through social constructs. But -- you see, I’ve always been jealous of my cousin and I -- I want to have his life.”

Winn tilts his head to the side, frowning deeply. “You already have a good life, Kara.”

Kara shakes her head, her heart constricting inside her chest. “I know and I should be grateful.” She stares down at her hands and puts them away when the waiter arrives to put down their order -- Kara’s chicken caesar salad with tomato soup and Winn’s black coffee and apple-flavored pancakes. She takes a sip of her soup, licking her lips and letting out another sigh. “But,” she starts again, “you haven’t been at the receiving end of his fame. Clark and I are so close he’s practically my younger brother but he’s always been better at everything that he did. God, he’s three years advanced! You know that, remember? Like when I joined the Journalism club back in high school, he was already Editor-in-Chief.  When I played soccer for the team, he was already the Captain. And he’s like five years younger than me! He has always been the better Danvers and I just -- I want to know what it’s like, for once, being the best one out there. For the first time.”

There’s a long silence. Winn takes a sip of his coffee, thinking thoughtfully. She’s not worried. Kara can already see that he’s been won over. Her best friend might be goofy and comedic at best, but he’s fiercely loyal to her. Past experience has told her how much he’s willing to do anything to keep her happy. One time, after winning an Essay Writing contest, he hacked every TV at their old high school to show a very embarrassing 30-second video congratulating her for a job well done.  

“That’s why I need your help,” Kara adds, trying her Puppy Dog look on Winn.

Winn purses his lips before sighing. “I’m always in your corner, Danvers,” he says, winking at her, “Let’s just finish our breakfast then I’ll start doing my thing.”

The happiness in her heart makes her squeal for joy, attracting a few of the other customers’ attention. She slaps her mouth shut but gives Winn a very grateful look. “Thank you,” she gushes, hearing how choked up she sounds, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

He waves her off. “Just don’t tell your cousin.”

 _Oh_ , Kara thinks to herself, _that won’t be a problem_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a totally important question I need to ask you guys. If Mon-El went to college, what would he be studying in? It's a minor detail but one that I think is still very important for this whole story. Also, remember, leave a comment if you liked it and tell me if you think the plot is confusing lmao. I have a thing with adding details to a story and adding nuances hehe. 
> 
> Love, Mia.


	2. The Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, in order for this fanficton to actually, you know, not have as many plot holes as I think that it does, I'll give you guys an image of what I think Clark Danvers looks like. Just search 'Cameron Mitchell' from the Glee Project in Google and you'll see what I mean.

Chapter 2: _Lena catches up with her older brother Lex before she starts her junior year in college and stumbles across a not-so-familiar face._

…

“Lena!” Her brother’s voice, bright and cheery, calls out to her the second she steps inside the cafe. She looks up from her phone and finds her brother at the very back of the shop, already holding up two cups of coffee, both black for the two of them. He’s wearing a wide grin on his face, the same grin he wears every time Lena beat him in chess or when Lena makes a snarky remark that their mother, Lilian, didn’t overhear. A rush of affection fills her bones at the sight of him and she maneuvers through the other tables full of college students preparing for their first day and making new friends, anxious to be in contact with her brother once more.

“Lex,” she breathes out when she reaches him and he gets up from his seat to give her a well-deserved hug, “God, I’ve missed you.”

“It’s been too long, Princess,” he murmurs against her hair, laughing when she pinches the skin of his back at the nickname. “Okay, _Lena._ Let’s just drink first before you squeeze me to death.”

“You’re lucky that I love you.”

“Hmm. Very.”

He pulls back and touches the top of her head affectionately. Lex, even though he’s years older than she is and only her half-brother, treats her like they’ve spent their entire life together, from the singular moment that they were born until the present day. He’s nearing his thirties now. Gone is the boyish teenager with curly dark hair and grey eyes. Instead, the person sitting before her now dons a very expensive-looking suit (probably Armani) with a growing beard and a receding hairline. He looks very out of place in this modest cafe, surrounded by young college students. If he could, he’d probably be able to buy the whole place with a snap of his fingers.

She looks around the cafe. _Homebrew_  hasa large space, with a few dozen tables scattered around, and popular too, judging by the fact it’s nearly full and it’s only after lunch. The brown and green hues give it a nice homey feel and the smell of coffee further intensifies a nostalgic feeling at the back of her throat. Lex chose the best seat in the house obviously, since it’s snug at the very back but with enough sunlight filtering through the glass windows to not make them feel too isolated.

She takes her seat across her brother and makes a pleased noise at the back of her throat when she drinks from the coffee he bought her. “You always know how I like it made,” she murmurs, sighing in contentment, “Probably the only person who does.”

“Well, _of course_ ,” he muses, “I was the one who introduced you to the joys of coffee in the first place.”

“That you did.” She remembers that moment fondly. When Lex was still in high school, he often made his own coffee during nights when he had to study for exams. It didn’t take too long before he let Lena drink from one of his own cups. Ever since then, she’s only used his recipe when having her coffee made.

“When’s the last time I saw you?” Lex asks, leaning back on his chair and crossing his legs, “Not Christmas. I was in Russia. Very cold during that time of year.”

“Probably not my birthday either,” Lena says, “I believe it’s been two years, dear brother.”

“Two years, huh?” He gives her a thoughtful look as he adjusts the cuffs of his suit. “So the last time I saw you, you were still a first year at the NCU. And now, by next year, you’ll be graduating at the top of your class. Father would be very proud.”

Compliments such as these are always rare coming from Lex. He may love her very much but he is also very critical of her, as her stepmother is. He takes into consideration the assets and skills she poses for their company: the world-renowned Luthor-Corp. She doesn’t mind, in fact, she calls ‘tough love.’ She wouldn’t have it any other way. To be part of the Luthor name is both a privilege and a burden.

“NCU is difficult,” Lena murmurs, waving off some cookies that Lex has apparently bought for her, “but nothing that can’t be handled. Soon, dear brother, I’ll be joining your corporate world.”

Lex lets out a short laugh. “Don’t be so eager.”

“Why not?” She takes another sip of her coffee. “It’s what Mother wants.”

The look that Lex gives her is of boyish affection. “Mother can’t always have what she wants,” he tells her. It has always been like this -- Lena desperate for her stepmother’s approval and Lex telling her that she’s fine without it. Every single time Lilian said something that was of a backhanded compliment at Lena, Lex would take her up to their treehouse back at their place and tell her that once he inherited the company, he would have her as his right-hand man. His word always held more weight than Mother’s and Lena’s heart loosens at the thought.

“What do _you_ want, then, Lex?” Lena asks, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Does it matter?” he questions.

“You are going to be my future employer.”

Her brother grins. “Is this an interview? I thought we were just catching up.”

Lena shrugs. It _has_ been a long time since she’s last seen her brother. They’ve only shared a handful of texts with each other. When there was something Lena wanted to tell him urgently, she’d give him a call. One out of five times, he’d answer. Lex Luthor, CEO of Luthor-Corp, is an undeniably busy man. It’s a wonder that he’s able to clear out his entire schedule for this afternoon, especially when he showed up on TV last night declaring the invention of some new technology that could perhaps rid cancer.

 _Priorities_ , he told her when he called to ask for her free time.

Lex clears his throat. “Anyhow,” he says, “How is school?”

Lena pretends to think about it, even though her entire college career has been fundamentally boring. All she does is attend her classes, watch the soccer games when she’s required to, study at her dorm, listen to her best friend Sam talk about one of her boy toys and exist in her own little bubble. It pays off, of course, because she’s been one of the top students in her class since her first year. It just means that she doesn’t have anything interesting to tell her brother now.

“School is good,” she answers, raising her eyebrows, “Would you assume otherwise?”

“I don’t have reason to, right?” Lex uncrosses his legs, reaches across the table and bites into a cookie. When he looks back at Lena, his grey eyes are dark and calculating. “I know that you’re doing well in school. You’d tell me if it was otherwise but maybe, I was hoping to talk about other matters of the heart. Are you still friends with that Arias girl?”

“Sam? I believe she’s my only friend, Lex.”

Her brother shrugs. He didn’t have many friends growing up either. Every time Lena brought it up when they were kids, he’d do his one shoulder shrug and just say that friends weren’t a requirement to becoming successful. Besides, Lena was enough of a companion for him. At least that’s what he always said. When she remembers this, warmth fills her bones even though she has to admit that it’s a particularly lonely life.

“How is… she?” Lex asks, pausing for dramatic effect.

Lena scoffs. “Don’t pretend that you like her, brother dearest. She’s become my best friend ever since we shared the same dorm in first year.”

“Is she a good influence?”

“You’re starting to sound like Mother.”

Lex tilts an eyebrow, waiting for her response. Lena bites her lip, smiling before she nods.

“She might not be top of her class,” she shares, “but she’s diligent and hardworking with her studies. Plus she has a daughter named Ruby back at her hometown. She does it for her.”

“Hmm. Admirable.”

“She is.”

A small silence settles between them. One of the many things that Lena always dislikes is not being able to read her brother’s mind. He looks at her now with a perfectly neutral expression and she can’t help but feel like she’s being assessed somehow. She clears her throat, runs a hand to smooth down her skirt and matches his look. They stare each other down before Lex finally gives and cracks a smile.

“My apologies,” he says and shakes his head, “It’s just... it’s been too long. You’ve grown.”

“I’m still me.”

“Of course. There’s no denying that.” Lex puts down his coffee, fixes his tie. “I’ve always looked at you as my awkward little sister who read books about princesses and cried when _The Lion King_ showed up on TV--” she blushes at that and gives him a harsh glare -- “but now _look at you_. Top of your class, beautiful and elegant, and presumably not seeing anybody, am I correct?” When she doesn’t immediately respond, Lex claps his hands together and leans back, smirking. “Nobody good enough yet?”

Lena gives him another severe look. It’s true that she hasn’t dated anyone since… well, _ever_ . But she has perfectly good reason not to. Point No. One, she apparently has an unflattering talent of attracting boys around her. In freshman year, a junior named Jack Spheer asked her out after he saw her studying at the library and when she rejected him, he spent the entire week showing up to her classes and serenading her, since apparently, ‘no’ in his vocabulary meant ‘try harder.’ Later on and much recently, James Olsen, a senior studying Art and captain of the football team, has been texting her a lot after she went to _one_ game with Sam and he saw her gloomily watching. While James is more of a gentleman than Jack was, Lena doesn’t have the heart to tell him why she’ll _never_ go out with him.

He may be as bland as a biscuit with the personality of a spoon but she’s not blind — she knows there are plenty of girls who fawn over him which leads to Point No. Two: Lena just isn’t into guys. And while she’s not ashamed for liking girls, she just doesn’t want the whole world to know about it. Or more specifically, her own mother.

Besides, Point No. Three: there’s only been one person she’s ever been interested in…

“Oh my Lord,” Lex says all of a sudden, laughing to himself and startling Lena’s train of thought. He looks absolutely delighted. “Don’t tell me.”

“Tell you what?” Lena questions, even though she has a feeling what he might be thinking about.

“You’re still hung up on her.” Her brother laughs again, this time louder, and Lena reaches across the small coffee table to slap his knee repeatedly. A blush has formed its way on her face, the heat warming her cheeks. “Jesus, Lena. How long has it been? Five years?” Lex asks, raising a dubious eyebrow, “Her name was Katherine, right?”

“ _Kara_ ,” Lena hisses, pausing when she realizes that she’s basically confirmed his suspicions. Judging by his wide smile, he knows it too. “Just shut up.”

Her brother drums his fingers against the arm of his chair, still smiling widely. “I remember when I visited that one time,” he recalls fondly, still pausing for dramatic effect, “Kara tripped all over her own boots, spilling a perfectly arranged row of rolled up tents that I know you had a hand in, and instead of giving her our trademark Luthor glare, all you did was smile.”

“She was my friend.” But even Lena can hear the quiet resignation in her tone and the sadness that lurks behind it. “I was used to her clumsy antics. There was no point in scolding her for it.”

Except, Kara had fully expected a scolding. Most people would’ve run at the sight of Lena Luthor, youngest camp counselor ever, walking towards them. But Kara simply rearranged the tents again, all the while apologizing profusely, while Lena watched, amused. It had been a wonder, really. Kara was the first person who wasn’t scared of her and perhaps that’s the reason she has gone soft throughout the years. Perhaps that’s why she managed to make a friend out of Samantha Arias.

“You didn’t find her afterward that?” Lex mutters, finishing his coffee in one go.

“It was a summer friendship,” Lena dismissively says, waving him off, “I shouldn’t have gotten attached. It was stupid.”

“While I might agree with that…” Her brother reaches out and places his hand on top of Lena’s. “I don’t necessarily condone it. That was the first time I saw you make a friend simply because you liked her. All the other times, you were forced to.”

She meets his eyes. He’s right. When she met Kara for the first time, she had gone skinny dipping with Lucy Lane and Lena had caught them. Suffice to say, only Kara Danvers would be able to utterly charm somebody like Lena while being naked behind a tree branch.

“She was something else,” Lena mutters, almost to herself. Before they left for home, she had wanted to ask for her number so that they could keep in touch, but ultimately decided against it. It wasn’t because she was scared to ask for a girl’s number or anything like that. She was scared of what it meant. She was sixteen and… _was_ she in love? When she thinks about it, she remembers the way Kara’s blue eyes shone behind thick-framed glasses, the way she bit her lip when she was nervous, the way she looked at Lena across the Dining Hall, always with a smile and a wave.

She doesn’t know if it was love but it feels suspiciously close to it.  

A _ping_ from Lex’s phone suddenly breaks her thoughts. Her brother frowns and checks his messages. Lena’s already gathering her belongings before the words are even out of his mouth: “Lena, I’m sorry but something’s come up — ”

“It’s okay, Lex,” she says, waving away his worries, “I’m glad you took the time off to meet with me.”

His grey eyes are soft as he takes her in. “There’s something else that I wish to discuss with you before we leave,” he says, a sense of urgency in his tone and Lena pauses before settling back into her chair.

“That sounds very important.”

“It is.”

Lena waits, watching as Lex fixes his suit once more before connecting his hands together by his knee. The very image of Luthor-Corp’s CEO: calm and collected. “There’s a very important charity fundraising a few months from now,” he tells her, “and of course, I’ve already booked your ticket for it. You might need a plus-one so just invite anybody you’d like to bring. Maybe even Ms. Arias, but that’d be ill-advised.”  

“Why?” Lena asks because galas and fundraisers have been a part of her life for as long as she can remember. It’s not really a big deal for her. This sort of news is something that Lex can easily email her about. It doesn’t necessarily warrant a sit down at the nearest cafe they can find from NCU nor Lex clearing out his entire schedule for her. “Is that what’s so important?”

Lex raises his eyebrow. “Let me finish,” he says, clearing his throat, “As you know, Mother has retired from the company and is settling down somewhere in Iceland. However, this charity event holds a special place in her heart so she’s coming all the way from her nice little mansion to attend.”

Lena blinks. Her mother _attending_ an event? She’s always been the kind of woman who watches events unfold from backstage, not necessarily the one for publicity nor media fame, so this comes as a surprise for her. Lex is always the one who has the flair for the dramatics, which means he’s sponsored many galas for the sake of throwing them.

“That’s surprising,” she finds herself saying, unsure how to feel.

“That’s not all,” Lex mutters, rubbing his beard thoughtfully, “She’s specifically requested that you and I have dinner with her the day before the event.”

 _Oh_. So that’s why it’s so important. For the majority of Lena’s life, her stepmother has rarely reached out to her. She retired from handling the company when Lena started high school and has gone to live in Iceland ever since. Lena has barely seen her, much less talked to her. Except for the occasional visit for the holidays and their exchange of emails. She’s pretty sure that if she saw Lillian Luthor on the street, she’d take a second to actually recognize her.

“That’s… _good_ ,” Lena comments neutrally.

“You can react the way you want to, Princess.” Lex snorts, gesturing for her to stand up with him. “It’s not a secret that… you’re not in a favorable relationship with her. It’ll be the first time in years that we’ll actually have a nice little family dinner, especially since we’re all so busy being so successful in the paths that we’ve chosen.”

A conflict of emotions ranging from fear to hope grips Lena’s heart. She wants to tell Lex that all she’s ever wanted for the three of them, after the untimely death of their father, is to actually be a family again. She might not be close with her stepmother but that doesn’t mean that she’s not open to a good relationship with her. Besides, at the end of the day, she’s Lex’s mother and Lex is her brother. That has to count for something, even if she and her stepmother don’t exactly share the same blood.

“I’m glad,” she tells her brother after he finishes gathering his own belongings.

Lex gives her a dubious look. “Are you, really?”

She gives him a soft smile, standing on her tiptoes to land a peck on his cheek. “Yes,” she whispers, “It’ll be nice to be a family again.”

“That’s good to hear.” He looks down at her, watching her carefully. “Anyway, if you do somehow get a date months from now, make sure they’re ballsy enough to stand a conversation with Mother Dearest. You know the last time I had the misfortune of bringing in Mercy for Christmas that one time. Suffice to say, relationships within the Luthor family is going to be a tedious effort.”

Lena laughs, looping an arm through Lex’s. “I remember,” she says fondly and they both head out of the cafe, taking as long as possible. It’ll be another few months before she gets to see Lex again and she wants to cherish every bit of time they have together.

“It was nice to see you again, little sister,” he murmurs when they have to go their separate ways. There’s already a limo waiting for her brother at the sidewalk and a guard standing close by, watching them with a blank expression. Lex gestures for them to wait, before spinning around to give Lena one last hug. “I look forward to seeing you at the fundraiser.”

Lena breathes in his scent: coffee, cigarettes and a faint smell of _home_ . Her childhood may have been difficult, especially with the death of her real mother and being adopted into her father’s household, but Lex has _always_ made it easier. Every single jab and insult that Lillian made at her expense, she was able to deal with his help.

“Make sure you clear your schedule for my graduation,” she whispers into his ear.

“I wouldn’t miss your valedictorian speech for the world,” he says in return and Lena watches him go, already feeling a stab of nostalgia in her heart at the sight.

His limo leaves quickly enough and Lena rubs at her neck, still watching the car drive away even after it’s already disappeared into a little speck at the far end of the road. After a moment, she lets out a breath she didn’t realize she’s been holding in and turns around to head back to her dorm -- only to slam straight into somebody heading towards the entrance of the cafe.

_“Oh!”_

_“Shit.”_

An array of books scatter to the floor. Lena stumbles on her feet and would’ve landed straight on her ass if the person who bumped into her didn’t immediately grab her arms to keep her from falling. She feels strong hands grip her biceps and steady her. Her eyes immediately shoot up to the person who she collided with and for some strange reason, her heart jumps straight to her throat. _Those eyes --_ where has she seen eyes like that before?

Baby blue orbs blink back at her from behind thick-framed glasses. For one startling second, Lena thinks of another person with eyes that have the exact same shade of blue but that moment disappears when the other person quickly lets go of her and steps back, clearing his throat.

“I’m sorry,” he says sheepishly.

Lena takes a moment to gather herself. The guy standing before her is a few inches taller than she is with dark hair, thick-framed glasses and a small stubble on his chin. He’s lean and towering, wearing a red button-up shirt and black trousers. He’s your average looking college male student. If she’d seen him on the street any time of day, she wouldn’t have given a second glance. But now that she’s looking closely at him, she can’t help but feel like she’s seen him before.

“It’s fine,” she mutters stiffly, wrapping her arms around herself. She wants to look away but for some reason, she can’t. The guy fidgets in front of her, obviously uncomfortable with the silence that settles over them. “I’m sorry,” she finds herself saying, unable to deny the familiarity that she feels, just looking at him, “but have we met before?”

The guy shakes his head too quickly. “ _No_ !” he yelps and wait, is he _blushing_?

“Really?” Lena inquires, trying to get a closer look at him.

“Positive,” the guy answers.

“I feel like we’ve met before,” she insists.

The guy takes a step back, still shaking his head. “I think I would remember a face like yours,” he mutters. Perhaps he didn’t expect Lena to hear but she does.

She scoffs. “As expected.” Is there ever a guy out there who doesn’t hit on her the second a chance arises? “Maybe I was mistaken. I apologize.”

She’s about to leave when the guy starts to open his mouth and stutter out a “Hey, wait --” but then his eyes move to a point over her shoulder and Lena turns around to find another average looking male college student running towards them. The guy stumbles to a stop next to the first guy, looking as if he’s just completed a ten-mile marathon. He has dark cropped hair and a strong jawline with a large laptop bag slung across his chest.

“Sorry for being late, Clark,” the second guy says to the first, “Slept through my alarm.”

 _Clark._ Lena tries to remember where she’s heard that name before but comes up blank.

“It’s okay, Winn,” Clark says, glancing at Lena, “I was just about to get inside. I’m sorry for bumping into you earlier.” Directing the last sentence to Lena, he must’ve remembered the books he dropped because he immediately crouches down and gathers them into his arms. It takes Lena a second to move before she bends down and picks up a handbook from the NCU. _So he’s a freshman,_  she thinks to herself.

Lena meets Clark’s eyes when she hands him the handbook. “Apology accepted,” she tells him, raising an eyebrow, “I’ll see you around campus.”

For some reason, his blush deepens. “Thanks” he stutters, nodding too fast, “I -- I’ll see you around too. Hopefully.”

The guy named Winn is staring at Clark like he’s being an idiot. Lena nods in return before stepping to the side and heading off to the direction of her dorm. She can feel Clark’s gaze on the back of her head but resists the urge to turn around. She thinks about his blue eyes and wonders why on earth she seems to recognize them. Their weight is familiar as if she’s held his gaze before, but that’s impossible.

Because just like what Clark said, she’d remember a face like his too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO???? 
> 
> What do you guys think??? 
> 
> Frankly, I like Lex here. Lmao. That's all. Leave a comment below and share your thoughts. I love reading them and will occasionally reply hehe. 
> 
> Love, Mia.


	3. The School

Chapter 3: _Kara realizes the undesirable circumstances she has to face when taking up the life of Clark Danvers, especially in regards to her living conditions._

...

“Oh, fuck,” Kara says as she stands in front of Room 308, all of Winn’s old clothes stuffed into a duffel bag by her feet. She doesn’t necessarily see the point of staying on campus, but since everything has been paid for by Clark’s scholarship and Winn stressed the importance of building actual, human relationships with people that aren’t her immediate family, Kara doesn’t find the harm in it. Well, unless the harm comes sooner or later. Besides, if Alex finds her wig or her chest binders then she’d definitely be asking questions. It’s risky and dangerous but ideal. So she tells Alex she found an apartment to stay with Winn as she tries to look for jobs. Thankfully, her sister buys it.

She sighs, adjusting her glasses. Winn’s makeover did a number on her. She refused to actually shave her hair, in case Alex starts getting suspicious and has opted to force her blonde hair under a cap and wear a wig. Her best friend even added a few bits of stubble on her chin using some mascara, since the real Clark is already starting to grow his own. When it came to the issue of her breasts, he even asked his friend, a transgender woman named Nia Nal, to help with looking around for good chest binders.

Now she’s standing in one of the dorm rooms within the NCU, wearing a wig, sporting some of Winn’s best flannels and desperately trying to channel her cousin’s male persona.

Of course, Winn has told her of everything that could go wrong if she went through with this plan. Somebody could easily google Clark’s face and not match it with hers. Her roommate could even walk in at the wrong time while she was changing and immediately know. Alex could figure it out if she asks the right questions because Kara is a terrible liar in front of her own sister. She and Winn made a perfectly crafted plan, one that relies heavily on Kara not slipping up. One wrong move -- everything falls apart.

She just hopes her roommate isn’t an asshole.

Before she can use her key to enter Room 308, the door swings open suddenly, revealing a tall, white male standing on the other side. He’s wearing nothing but pink boxers.

“Oh!” Kara unconsciously blushes. “Hi. I’m your roommate, Clark Danvers.” She makes sure that her voice is deep enough to not be mistaken for a girl’s and stretches her hand out.

The guy takes a moment to look at her. He has dark tousled hair as if he just woke up even though it's already noon, deep brown eyes and beard slowly growing through on his chin. He smells strongly of beer and Kara finds herself stepping back, already dreading this first encounter.

“Right, sorry, bro.” The guy shakes Kara’s hand firmly. “Just woke up from a party last night. Come on, make yourself comfortable.” He steps aside and Kara takes half a second to _really_ wonder if she’s made the right decision in pretending to be her cousin before she lets herself in.

Room 308 is a relatively large dorm with a single bunk bed tucked into a corner. It’s obvious that her roommate has taken the top one. There are two study desks next to each other by the window, with duffel bags and suitcases all over one area of the room. It’s clear that her roommate has arrived last night but instead of decorating the place, he seems to have just partied immediately. Kara puts down her duffel bag on the bottom bed and runs her eyes on the bare walls of the room, knowing that if she had her own dorm room in NCU as herself, she would’ve put up pictures of her family and friends. She doesn’t think she’d be able to do that here.

“So, uh, the name’s Mike Matthews,” her roommate introduces, coming into her view and climbing back into his bed. “Was about to head out for breakfast but my stomach’s not feeling it yet.”

“Hi, Mike. What’s your major?” Kara plops down on her bed, already thinking up ways she could try and make this place her home.

“Business! Ah wait, no -- it was errr.” Mike’s head pops up from behind his blankets, leaning over the bed and giving Kara a sheepish look. “I used to major in Law but flunked some core subjects. Then I switched over to Business, failed Math too. So now, I’m studying Film.”

Kara gives him a thoughtful look. “You don’t look the Liberal Arts major type.”  

“I didn’t have a choice. No other department would take me in with the grades that I had.” Mike gives her a shit-eating grin. “A arts degree is better than no degree. What about you, bro?”

“Journalism.”

“Cool, cool. So you’re just gonna be a tv reporter or something?”

Kara resists the urge to roll her eyes. She fixes her glasses instead. “Oh, you know. It’s complicated.”

Mike doesn’t press further. “You do you, dude.” He disappears back into his bed. Within seconds, she hears him snoring.

Kara lies down on the bunk bed, running her fingers through her dark wig. She wonders how the real Clark is. The last time they talked, Clark had excitedly told her about how his father was taking him to a farm far away from National City and that he was going to be away from social media for a while, not that he’s a fan of social media anyway. All the stars in the universe seem to have aligned just for her, as long as she doesn’t slip the fuck up. Clark is gone and she’s taken his place here in National City. Good Lord.

Then she thinks about Alex. Her sister, who genuinely thinks that she’s looking for other jobs while having shifts at the coffee shop. Her sister, who would probably kill her the second she finds out she did this. Her sister, whom Kara chooses to not think about right now because then she’d be overwhelmed with guilt. What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.

She takes off her glasses and takes a calming breath.

Then the other day, she came across Lena, of all people. The sight of her was enough to reduce Kara into a puddle of nerves and stutters. Because _of course_ , her first time walking around as Clark Danvers as a test run to see if anybody would recognize her at _Homebrew_ , her new workplace, and she literally stumbled into one who nearly did. Lena’s green eyes when she took her in had been calculating and intense, as if she knew _exactly_ what Kara was hiding.

She rewires her thoughts and thinks about Lena. The last time she saw her was five years ago, when summer camp ended and they had all gone home to their old lives. She still keeps in touch with Lucy Lane, one of her roommates in her cabin, but Lena Luthor was a different story. They were close friends -- Lena had confided in her about her family life after Kara coaxed her into trying out a few drinks Lucy got for her and in return, Kara had confessed every little insecurity she felt when it came to her cousin. Now that she thinks about it, she doesn’t understand why she didn’t try harder to reach out for her, why she didn’t ask for her number when Lena stopped her before she left, why she didn’t just give it to her without being asked.

Lena Luthor has grown beautiful since the last she saw her. The camp counselor she knew from five years ago grew into the gorgeous woman she stumbled across back in that cafe. The woman who screamed confidence and elegance in the short amount of time Kara looked at her.  

Now she’s here in NCU.

“Crap,” she mumbles under her breath.

Mike’s head pops up from the top bed again, looking bleary-eyed. “Hey, bro,” he says, “Wanna get breakfast at the cafeteria or something? Just realized that I’m actually fucking _starving._ ”

“It’s like noon,” Kara says.

“So what?”

Kara glances at the duffel bag she brought. There’ll be time for unpacking, she decides. “Sure, er, _bro_ ,” she mutters, unsure of how it actually sounds.

“I’ll get changed.” Without warning, Mike literally jumps down from the top bed and stumbles to a landing. Kara finds herself staring. She might find this guy repulsive, especially since the smell of beer has grown stronger in the past five seconds, but she’s not _blind_. He’s good looking and built like an athlete. Maybe he is one.

Kara realizes what she’s doing and clears her throat. _Dudes don’t stare at other dudes’ abs_. “I have to uh, call someone. I’ll be outside waiting.”

Mike shoots her a grin. “Thanks, man.”

Kara puts her glasses back on. As Mike is about to take off his boxers, she immediately gets out in the nick of time before she sees anything ungodly. Her cheeks warm, she pulls out her phone from her many pockets because _oh --_ men’s jeans have a multitude of them -- and types in a message to Winn:

 **11:36 PM** \- Kara Danvers

_I unfortunately have a very hot roommate who smells like beer and hasn’t showered yet_

What she receives in return are a bunch of emojis laughing back at her. Fuck Winn. She bites her lower lip and looks out the window. The dorms in NCU are separated by gender, which was a problem for Kara because how on earth was she going to shower and actually change clothes if she was surrounded by men who look like they could sniff the girl in her? Thankfully, Winn offered for her to change at his dorm, which has a separate bathroom, because he could actually afford it. Still, being surrounded by guys makes her nervous.

She sends another text to Winn:

 **11:39 PM** \- Kara Danvers

 _We’re heading out for lunch. Please tell me that you’ll magically show up and save me from an awkward conversation with a dude that I’ve never met_ _before_

 **11:40 PM** \- Winny The Pooh

 _What’s his name_?

 **11:41 PM** \- Kara Danvers

_Mike Matthews, film major_

**11:41 PM** \- Winny The Pooh

_Oh good. One of James’ friends. I’ll tell him that we’ll be joining you._

**11:42 PM** \- Kara Danvers

_Saved by James Olsen thank God_

Kara lets out a sigh of relief. She’s already met James, one of Winn’s childhood friends but it was as Kara and not as Clark. He’s nice, a little bit boring if she has to admit, but his presence is calming enough. She just hopes that he won’t recognize her.

Her thoughts are interrupted when Mike steps out of their dorm, wearing more layers of clothes now than before. He actually cleans up pretty good. The smell of beer still lingers but at least he actually sprayed some Axe perfume on. The mixture of it doesn’t smell that good though. Kara pretends not to be affected by this. _Dudes don’t point out how other dudes smell_.

“Sorry if I kept you waiting,” Mike says, yawning. He’s also wearing glasses.

“It’s cool, bro.” Kara winces inwardly. Right. She should definitely stop using that word.

They start heading towards the cafeteria. Mike leads the way, since he’s been here longer and knows the way. He walks slowly, like he’s still adjusting to the brightness of the world. Or maybe it’s because he’s still hungover.

“So, you a freshman, right?” her roommate asks.

“Yup. Bright and fresh.” Kara looks around the campus. There are students milling about. She wonders if Lena is around.

“It’s obvious. You’ve got a baby face.” Mike snorts when Kara shoots him a confused look. “What? You look like you haven’t even reached puberty yet. How old are you again?”

Kara hesitates. “18.”

“Freshie.”

“Thank you?”

The cafeteria is a three-floored building with a red and yellow color scheme. Kara and Mike walk for a few more minutes, silence settling between them. It takes longer with Mike walking slower than her, still adjusting to his hungover state. When they enter, there’s a small line of students waiting for an array of meals ranging from sandwiches to fried chicken. They both join the line, Kara checking her phone every now and then to see if Winn has texted and Mike flirting with the girl in front of them. Boys will be boys.

After half an hour, the two roommates are sitting across from each other in the middle of the cafeteria. Kara has chosen a variety of meals for her lunch -- sausages, chicken salad, lemon cakes and a lot more that she’d rather not mention -- while Mike has settled for two hotdog buns and a Watermelon-flavored smoothie.

“So,” Mike says, “Play any sports?”

Kara nods. “I was a soccer player back in high school.”

For the first time since they met, Mike actually looks interested. “Huh, really?” he asks, putting down his bun, “I didn’t peg you for a sporty guy. Half expected you to say ‘chess’ or something. What was your position?”

“Striker.” Same as the real Clark.

Mike gives a nod of approval. “Midfielder.” He puffs out his chest proudly, grinning. “We actually have a team here and we’re always looking for little squirts to, you know, push around.”

Kara can imagine. Mike looks like the kind of guy who’d shove your head down a toilet. “I wasn’t really planning to,” she mutters, fixing her glasses, “I’m trying to you know study more.”

Mike waves her away. “You’ll love it,” he says.

“I don’t know, bro —”

“Tell you what. Once we find the time, I’ll challenge you to a one-on-one match. If you score more than I do, then I’ll drop it. But if you lose, then you’ll have to try out for the team. Deal?” Mike stretches out his hand for her to shake.  

Kara thinks about it. It’s been a long time since she’s actually played a game of soccer. Life got in the way, apparently. She’s been so focused on making a career out of her failed attempt at college the first time that she hasn’t actually gotten around to play. She and Alex used to do so a lot back when they were kids, sometimes with Clark when he was around that day. Now she can barely remember the exhilaration and joy she felt at having shot a goal from a far distance.

“I’ll think about it,” Kara says out loud, shoving food into her mouth. Mike shrugs and withdraws.

“Hey, Clark!”

Kara doesn’t look up at first, too busy with her lunch. Mike, apparently forgetting his roommate’s name, doesn’t react either. They eat their food in silence, with Kara’s mind going a hundred miles per hour as she wonders what’s in it on her first day of class as Clark Danvers. She hopes she can keep up with the classes, especially since NCU only accepts the best out of their students —

A hand slams right in between her shoulder blades, causing her to choke on her chicken salad. Thankfully, none of it flies out of her mouth.

Winn comes to view, grinning broadly. “Long time no see, _Clark_ ,” he says, enunciating the name with careful precision. Behind him stands James Olsen, looking as if he’s only grown taller and bigger since the last Kara saw him. He gives her a polite smile.

“Hi, Winn,” Kara says, shooting him a glare as she tries to clear her throat.

“James, I don’t think I’ve ever introduced you to my good friend Clark.” Winn sweeps his arm towards her, nearly hitting her face in the process. “He’s Kara Danvers’ cousin. You know, my best friend.”

James extends his hand and gives her a firm handshake as Winn slides into the seat next to her. “Pleasure to meet you,” he says, smiling, “I remember Kara. She’s cute.”

She flushes. “I’ll tell her that.”

Mike shakes his hotdog bun at her and the catsup lands directly on her right lens. She groans, wiping it off with her fingers. “Don’t,” her roommate warns with his mouth still full, “or you’ll blow his chances with the one and only Lena Luthor.”

The name makes her pause. Lena _again_. She wonders if it's by destiny’s hand that she seems to be running straight into her old friend these past few days. She thinks about the last she saw Lena, walking away from her after they bumped into one another, how Lena had given her one last fleeting look, as if she was trying to place her somewhere. Her sudden silence must’ve caught James’ interest because he gives her a stilted look. “Do you know her?” he asks.

“Er, yeah,” Kara finds herself saying because his gaze is intense and stern, “She was good friends with Kara.”

“Hmph. Lena didn’t mention that to me.”

Mike fake-punches James under his chin. “That’s because all she does is ignore you. Give it up, Olsen. She just ain’t into you.” He winks at Kara. “Maybe Danvers here has a better chance.”

James looks miffed. Before he opens his mouth, Winn steps in to explain the situation to Kara. “Lena has been James’ crush for the past two years,” her best friend tells her, giving her a side look as he too remembers their encounter with the Luthor the other day. Kara never told him about the summer camp where she met Lena — it was such a small part of her life that she treasured. Talking about it with anybody else outside the realm of her family almost taints the memories she holds dear.

“It’s a small world, really,” Winn continues, smirking at his friend. She typically ignores everybody associated with James because just like what Mike said, she’s not that into him.”

“That’s unfortunate.” From what Kara remembers, she knows that Lena isn’t that good with making friends. Everybody from summer camp practically hated her because she was too uptight. Kara knows that’s not the case. She dives back into her lunch once more.

“So you better not make a move on her, Danvers,” Mike says, drawing a line against his throat with his thumb, “Bros before hoes. Am I right, James?”

James gives his friend a deadly look. “You’re a fucking idiot, Mike.”

Winn, Mike and James all guffaw. Kara finds herself laughing along too, the weight in her stomach lifting. Even though it feels like the world has shrunk suddenly, it leaves her with a sense of relief that at least she hasn’t slipped up or given these two boys any indication that she’s not who she says she is. At least. She should give herself a pat in the back for that.

Underneath the table, Winn pats her hand. It’s a small gesture but it’s enough to ease Kara’s nerves for the rest of the hour.

...

Kara’s new life as Clark Danvers is a gradual change that she finds herself easing into as easily as breathing. She wakes up everyday at 6:15 AM to the sounds of Mike still sleeping peacefully at the top bed, always somehow half naked. She jogs around the campus for a good 15 minutes and then heads back to her dorm. Because it’s so early, there aren’t that many guys hogging the bathroom so she manages to steal a quick moment to herself before she does her routine of looking like Clark: 1. Shower quickly. 2. Put hair under cap. 3. Wear wig. 4. Use binders. 5. Add stubble. 6. Wear Winn’s clothes. 7. Spray Axe perfume all over armpits. 8. Leave before anyone sees.

Somehow in the rare event that a guy ends up also being early in the bathroom, Kara uses her key to go to Winn’s place. Even though he’s still sleeping by then, she slips in for a quick shower and leaves with a note attached to his laptop. _Used your bathroom again. Thanks! - Clark._

The classes are good. Kara has always dreamed of being a journalist so she always comes to class early and leaves very late to talk to the professor about additional notes and questions. Yes, she’s _that_ type of student. But she doesn’t mind. There’s something about being able to live your dream in real life, especially after fantasizing about it for so long. Screw the NCU for rejecting her in the first place!

Other than being busy with school, Kara takes the afternoon and weekend shift at _Homebrew_ as a barista. It helps to keep her spendings to stability, even though she does have some savings from her previous job. Sometimes, she sees Alex there. Alex — who still has no idea the double life she’s living. Hopefully, it will stay that way for a while. It’s nice to still be able to walk and talk like her own self, without being conscious about being too girly and high-pitched. During the first few weeks she spends adjusting to her new life, she likes to believe that her job at _Homebrew_ keeps her sane.

She even manages to make her living situation with Mike Matthews bearable. Even though he stinks beer and Axe most of the goddamn time, he’s nice. Well, nice _enough_. He doesn’t really bother when they find themselves in the same place together. Every time he goes partying, he always comes back a little after 3 AM, smelling of beer and sex and always stumbling in after he manages to get the key right. His growing pile of laundry in one corner of the room grew to such an extent that Kara could barely stand to be in the dorm for a few minutes. When she didn’t return to their place for an entire week and ignored his texts, he told her that he’d do his laundry more often. They strike up a compromise — Kara stops muttering under her breath everytime she studies because it drives her roommate crazy and Mike is decent enough to find another place to crash at when he goes out partying as not wake her when he comes back. Compromise, yes. They still haven’t gone around to that one-on-match they talked about and Kara ends up throwing Mike’s personal soccer ball in the air whenever she’s thinking too hard.

James is also a nice addition to her very small group of friends. Other than Lena Luthor as his only main point of interest, he apparently really likes soccer ( _of course since he’s the captain_ ) and what he’s majoring in — Art. The very image of a pretentious asshole, except he isn’t one. Kara never really knew him before but he’s _nice._ He’ll be graduating alongside Winn this year so Kara doesn’t really see him around that much. But when she does, he always talks about Lena like she has rainbows coming out of her fingertips. Like she’s _magic._

Kara understands the sentiment.

As for one elusive Lena Luthor — well, that’s another story. Kara’s seen her twice and it’s only in passing. When she’s coming out of her classes or crossing the street. Just a glimpse of her old friend Lena, always hurrying away.

Some part of her wants to reach out, to try and talk to her summer friend once more but she remembers that look Lena had — like she _knows._ She doesn’t want to risk it. Besides, she’s friends with James. There’s a huge chance the Luthor might not even want to speak to her, especially after what Winn said.  

Until — she does.

It’s a Friday morning at 6:15 AM. Kara is on her way to jog around the campus for 15 minutes, as what her routine dictates. Earphones plugged in and beanie firmly placed on top of her wig, she’s almost finished stretching when she feels a hand on her back, right on top of her chest binder.

She nearly jumps out of her skin and whips around to come face-to-face with Lena Luthor, dark hair tied up in a high bun, face devoid of make-up and wearing a white sweater to fight off the early morning cold. In one arm, she holds a bunch of books. There are dark shadows under her eyes. The image strongly resounds with the one Kara saw five years ago, back at summer camp. It’s almost like nothing has changed.

“Oh — hi, Ms. Luthor,” Kara stammers, pulling out her earphones. She realizes her mistake when Lena narrows her eyes.

“You know me,” the brunette says suspiciously.

“I — er, I’m friends with James. He mentions you.” She shrugs, trying not to freak out. She’s definitely not prepared for this. What if Lena figures it out now? “Besides,” she adds, almost like an afterthought, “It’s kind of hard to forget a face like yours.” It’s the truth, not a flirty comment. When Kara bumped into her at _Homebrew_ , she recognized her right away.

Lena’s jaw tightens. Definitely not a fan of James then. Or even compliments. She looks exquisite in the morning light, however, all soft and warm. But Kara notices that her shoulders are bent forward, slouched and tired, and that her hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed yet.

“You look like you woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Kara comments as lightly as possible.

Lena doesn’t smile. “Forgive me,” she tells her, “I just spent the night at the library. I’m sleep-deprived, which is why I was actually able to come up to you when I saw you from across the quad. I’ve been working up the nerve, you see.”

Kara is dumbfounded. “You were… _nervous_?”

“I prefer not to talk to men, in general,” is what Lena offers as an explanation.

“But you wanted to talk to _me_.” Kara flushes at that. She hopes the blush on her cheeks isn’t noticeable. It boggles her that Lena would be nervous about talking to her, especially when there are guys like James around, trying to win her affection.“What is it then?”

Lena regards her carefully, green eyes sizing her up. Like she’s almost looking for something — _anything_. It’s enough to make Kara sweat under Winn’s tracksuit.

“You look _very_ familiar,” Lena says, making a guttural noise at the back of her throat, like she’s pissed that she can’t place Kara anywhere in her schema, “I’m almost certain that we’ve met before. What’s your name?” The last line is thrown almost like an order and Kara remembers summer camp all over again.

Kara hesitates. “Clark Danvers,” she mumbles.

The mention of her last name is enough to render Lena speechless for a few, glorious seconds. When they met before, Lena was always the type of person who had something to say, had something brewing about in the back of her mind. It was one of the many things Kara admired about her when they were younger. She had an opinion on everything that mattered.

“Danvers,” Lena echoes, her gaze going glassy. It’s obvious that she’s thinking of Kara from summer camp.

“Yup.” Kara checks her watch: her 15-minute jog has now significantly been lessened. She should leave now before the brunette puts two and two together. Danvers may be a very common last name but that’s the only thing shielding her from Lena stumbling across the truth. “The one and only.”

“No, wait.” Lena raises her hand, still looking bamboozled. “Do you have a sister?”

“Er, nope.”

The disappointment that flashes through Lena’s features surprises Kara more than she’d like to admit. “I see.”

“You must’ve mistaken me for somebody else,” Kara tells her gently, “Sorry to disappoint, erm, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena snorts, holds her books tighter to her chest. “There’s a billion people in this city,” she says with a soft voice, “I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. Thank you, Mr. Danvers.” Always with the formalities. Kara finds herself smirking. After those fleeting words, the Luthor turns around and walks away.

Kara watches her go, conflicted, and wonders, yet again, why she didn’t try harder to stay in touch with her after that summer.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, leave a comment down below!!! 👌


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